Intimate Conversations with the Awakener
De Simple Silence.
| Languages/langues: |
English |
Contents |
[modifier] Attention And Recognition
I was attending a concert, listening to a famous group of musicians and enjoying their singing. Though I had come a bit late to the program, I observed that many people I knew were present. However, when it was over, no one seemed to have taken notice of my arrival, not even my close friends. Perhaps they were overwhelmed by the presentation of such beautiful music. I had also been touched by the performance, but somewhere within me I felt hurt, feeling that I had been neglected by my friends. I expected at least a little attention from someone.
That night I slept well. However, when I awoke, the nightmare of feeling totally neglected at the gathering the previous evening was still hovering over me. While attending to the morning chores, I felt uneasy and was not in a good mood at all. I knew that I was harboring ill feelings from last night, but I could not let go of them.
Naturally, I thought of You, but did not expect You to visit me. However, in Your omniscience and unconditional intimacy, You walked straight into my room. Instead of looking radiant, You appeared worried and asked me with concern, « What’s the matter? What’s wrong with you? »
« I feel a bit out of sorts, » I admitted sheepishly.
« Why? What happened? »
Somewhat awkwardly I explained, « At a musical performance I attended last night, none of my friends acknowledged me. I felt neglected, hurt, and lonely. »
Some silent moments ticked away before You gently spoke. « The main cause of this is that you feel yourself to be a person who, because of age, position, or talent, has some special rights over others. You want them to pay attention to you. But in fact, you have to be more careful, more watchful, when others praise and respect you, because through such appreciation your ego-centered life is strengthened. »
« I see. » I swallowed with difficulty.
You continued, « You like yourself to be treated as someone special, but you should be ready to accept what others take you to be. Think of My love, which is equally for all ; it has no preferences. A wildflower in a meadow and a beautiful rose in a garden have the same exposure to the sunlight above and the touch of the ground below. »
« What can I do differently? » I asked humbly.
« Though beyond time, I am the One who is close to you, in and through each breath. This is the mystery in the timebound Creation that reveals My sense of humor. However, beginning to experience the bliss in My remembrance as you breathe or move about can help free you from the grip of pride and the expectation of special attention from others. When you remember Me, you gradually begin to forget the ego-centered life. With My remembrance, you will develop appreciation for the various aspects of life without any personal attachment to them. For this, let the practice of offering these attachments to Me awaken within you. »
« How does this come about? »
« Offering begins to germinate and blossom by getting off the ring that binds you. This will in its course relieve you from expecting special attention from others. As a result, the raising up and dashing down of your spirit for not being recognized will begin to lessen. »
« Listening to You makes me aware of my imperfections, and I feel that to become aware of Your love within me I need to traverse a different dimension. To me, this is like walking on a delicate thread, finer and more fragile than silk, sustained and guided only by Your grace. To remember You wholeheartedly, » I acknowledged gratefully, « is to imbibe trust in You and to inherit the courage to go on. »
« Yes, » You nodded. « Then you will begin to realize that you are not someone special, and that I love all. This will gradually transform your inner life, and you shall be more and more tolerant and unmindful of whether others pay attention to you or not. Desire for attention solicits recognition, and if it is not received, this results in tension. Why not accept these happenings as My wish rather than clinging to the responses you expect from others? »
« This seems very difficult, » I responded.
« True. It is a process where you stumble and fall and rise again. At each step you have to see with the eyes of the heart and the sight of faith. If you lean on Me as completely as you can, the doors to My presence will open up to you. For instance, when you enter any place, whether a drawing room or a dining room, a store or a restaurant, if you treat that space as a part of My mansion, then you will find it filled with My presence. With your focus on Me, you yourself will find other ways leading to the unwavering sublime experience of companionship with Me. »
« In my relationship with You, I become aware of so many imperfections, » I lamented.
You smiled. « I want your imperfections. Continue to offer them to Me without hesitation, for I am Perfection personified. »
I had no idea that the so-called social conventions of life, such as whether or not one is greeted, had such a tight grip over my life. But in Your matchless way, You made me aware of such bindings and imperfections. I hope Your gift of remembrance shall, slowly but surely, wipe clear the slate of my heart. This was a wonderful revelation to me that You use my mistakes and misunderstandings as opportunities to offer the right perspectives toward life.
You left—but your profound, heart-warming words were afloat and ringing within me. And like the melodies of the temple bells, they were chanting inspiring tunes in my heart. May these help me to lead a life that shall please You.
[modifier] A Little Chat
« Oh Lord, Bal’s conversations are so wonderful. I wish that I too could learn the art of conversing with You. »
« Why shouldn’t you? Everyone and anyone can converse with Me. »
« Well, I’ve tried talking to You, but I don’t seem to get any reply. That puts a damper on the conversation rather quickly. »
« Have you considered that the art of conversation is really the art of listening? »
« Maybe I haven’t learned that lesson yet. I do try to listen, but usually all I hear is my own thoughts. The parade of cynical, vain, and doubting comments is a long one, and though I try to let each horn-blowing irrelevancy go by, immediately another one comes along, beating a drum. »
« For ages you have been a spectator at the passing show of the mind. Now it is time to turn away from the spectacle and attend only to My eternal presence. »
« If I do that, will I begin to hear You speaking to me? »
« Better than that, you will begin to feel and hear My silence. Hearing it, you will draw deeper into its depths, until you live and breathe My silent Ocean of Love. »
« And drown in it? »
« When the time is right. But for now, why not just enjoy our little chat? I will tell you one more secret about the art of conversation with Me. Don’t think that My replies come only in words. »Your very life, with all its ordinary tasks and everyday activities, is My conversation with you. If you attend closely, you will receive My companionship and guidance through each experience and event. For I am the One who is ever speaking through My creation—and ever silent in the heart of My perfect Lover. »
[modifier] My Peace Is In Pieces !
I was sitting on a bench in a quiet comer of the garden, enjoying the variety of flowers with their glorious colors. They reminded me of Your matchless creativity and infinite beauty. What a wonder!
In response to this fleeting appreciation, You appeared before me with a smile of good humor. Being everywhere, You can manifest anywhere, although it may seem as if You come from nowhere! I was so stunned that I greeted You with an awed and grateful silence.
Before I could recover from this unexpected heavenly surprise, You asked me casually, « How are you? »
« I’m okay, » I replied vaguely, still under the spell of Your arrival.
You looked probingly at me. « Really? »
I felt my mood shift, and answered somewhat defensively « Why? Don’t you think so? »
« But are you at peace with yourself? » You asked gently.
Your loving concern disarmed me completely, and gave me the courage to open my wounded heart. « In fact, my mind is in shambles, and my peace is in pieces! » I confessed.
« Yet you look quite composed, » You observed.
« That is only camouflage, » I answered.
You nodded, as though in sympathy. « I’m glad you say so. Generally, people do camouflage themselves, especially when they are at parties and public gatherings. »
« But aren’t these occasions supposed to be times for relaxation and relief from the stress of life? »
« Yes, but you soon find that all this merriment is only temporary. By the time you reach home, you begin to brood on unpleasant events connected with some of the persons you have had conversations with. »
« You’re right, » I admitted. « Even when I open certain letters, the contents irritate me. Or when I occasionally hear comments made during the day that I disagree with, I feel aggravated. I often lose my mental balance as a result. How can I get over this? »
« Don’t lose heart, and you will receive My help, » You assured me.
« But what is the real cause of all this annoyance and irritation? » I asked.
« It is natural that many unexpected things happen to you which annoy you, and this creates a sense of frustration. Sometimes you cannot help but express your irritation outwardly. But the more you see your life as being harmoniously interwoven with those you meet, your responses will be less selfish and more loving. The truth is, meeting others is really a meeting with your own many selves, in order that you may eventually find your real Self in Me. When you begin to feel My presence in others, then the qualities that you envy in them will exude a new perfume of appreciation for you. Discovering My presence in others is always a joyous surprise, and goes a long way toward helping Me to help you. »
« You are right, » I acknowledged. « I have experienced this. But then I totally forget the blessings You have showered on me, and I continue the bad habit of keeping a careful count of all my troubles. This seems to be deeply ingrained in me. »
« That is because you forget that delightful encounters are waiting for you just around the comer. »
« Are they? »
« Yes, because life is always moving, consciously or unconsciously, toward that Bliss which is your Real Nature. »
« Yet it seems that in spite of anticipating this Bliss, I am constantly passing through disturbing experiences. »
Again, I saw a look of deep sympathy in Your eyes. « The disturbances you speak of are always relative to your acceptance of My will. If you take the things that happen to you as expressions of My will, you will feel less annoyed, and the spirit of acceptance will be awakened in you. Learn to accept life as it is, without getting annoyed, and I will help you. Do you think that I am cruel? »
I could only look at You.
You shook Your head solemnly. « No. Even if I wished to be, I could not. I love you. I love all. »
[modifier] Playing One's Part
I was resting in my room on a comfortable reclining chair. However, my mind was restless, unsettled like a scrambled egg. I was deeply disturbed by the current social order, where higher human values were being ruthlessly trampled. Such attitudes of people not only irritated me emotionally, but also affected my physical health. I was feeling depressed and weak.
While I was deeply absorbed in such thoughts, most unexpectedly, as though by magic, the room was transformed into a vast ocean. Sometimes the water looked dark, dirty, and turbulent, with frothing waves cresting high ; while at other times its surface barely rippled, glimmering with charming shades of blue and green. It was incredible.
Then, as if this were not frightening enough, suddenly I saw a big ball of light emerge from the ocean and soar into the sky. As it was rising higher and higher, innumerable little drops of light streaked downward. I gazed at it in astonishment, when suddenly the ball stopped rising and plummeted into the ocean with a gigantic splash. In the next instant the entire ocean was aflame.
I was overwhelmed, but before I could disengage my mind from these successive stunning events, the entire vision completely vanished and was replaced with a deep and total darkness. This transformation calmed me down a bit, and I felt relieved. A sense of peace fell over me. Thank heavens!
Just then, from the seemingly limitless darkness, I saw You, encircled in a glorious soft light, taking long strides toward me. Before I knew it, You were sitting facing me.
With a benign freshness gleaming in Your eyes, You gently remarked, « You look frightened, astounded. What’s happened to you? »
Still under the awesome influence of the earlier vision, all I could say was, « Nothing! »
« If ‘nothing’ can make you look so apprehensive, what would you look like if ‘something’ happened? »
You flashed a marvelous, intimate smile that had such a soothing effect on me that it brought me back to my normal state.
Immediately I blurted out, « What was that strange vision I just had? »
You seemed to know all about it and replied, « It was all projected from the depths of your mind, through a pinhole point of time, and then it receded back. »
« But why should this occur? »
« Nothing happens by accident. Whatever occurs is part of a greater design in a person’s life. The vision you had was a natural unfolding meant to shake you and wake you from your present awareness. Sometimes, when you are deeply affected, interior regions of the mind project symbolic patterns. However, if one is connected with Me, such glimpses lighten and transform the inner life. »
« What is the meaning of these symbolic patterns? » I asked.
« Your life is a sequence of events and experiences which inwardly form patterns and images into symbols. When you are deeply affected, such as by the attitudes of others, these symbols are energized and projected onto the screen of your awareness. However, for those who get connected with Me, the Source of all, these symbolic patterns begin to dissolve, thereby eliminating a load of impressions and making your life light and lively. »
« I am too short-sighted to even begin to glimpse Your vast horizons. So could You just shed enough light for my next few steps? For instance, why should I feel so dejected and be affected so much by the unsympathetic attitudes of other people? »
« It is not just you who feel this way ; there are many others, though the intensity of their feelings may vary. These feelings arise from sympathy and concern for others. They are good, a sign that love is alive in the heart. However, each one should try to become more aware of the nature of their responses. Shouldn’t you too? »
« How? »
« Sensitivity to human suffering and the desire to help those who suffer are definitely commendable, but you should not be so carried away by your concern that you make yourself miserable. Your dis-ease with suffering can become a kind of disease. »
« Disease? Then I would like to know its symptoms, its nature, so that I can be cured! » I exclaimed.
« You unnecessarily try to decide what others should do and unduly react if they fail to do it. In fact, these are their problems, but you begin to own them as yours. To render effective assistance, first you have to find out your own capacities and capabilities. »
« You expect me to know my physical ability and mental capacities? »
« Yes. Instead of trying to change the world, you have to change yourself. »
« By first understanding my own nature? » I asked. « Then I find my niche? »
« Right. Then your response to suffering will be more practical. » You added reassuringly, « You will also feel My help in playing your part with a cheerful heart. Then, while relating to the world, you will be pleasing Me and gradually coming closer to Me. »
« I would like to make the world a happier place. »
You looked happy at this simple sentiment and remarked, « That is good. Do your best, and I will see to the rest. And do not worry ; remain bright and cheerful. »
My spirit smiled and my heart rejoiced at Your encouragement. Your words enthralled my heart, and its hunger to continue listening to You grew more intense. Overwhelmed at the profound depths of Your simple, loving responses, I looked at Your radiant face and Your eyes full of love and compassion. I was still bathing in the incredible beauty of Your presence when You departed as quietly and quickly as You had appeared.
The next moment I was aware of being alone in the room. I had wanted to communicate my warm-hearted gratitude to You for coming to me, but my lips had been sealed. A few tears rolled down my cheeks. The language of love is tears and silence.
Your visit uplifted me. Your grace can turn a stone into an angel and poison into nectar. This is the magic of Your unconditional compassion and concern : that You stoop down to anyone’s level. I silently invoked You within my heart. « O Glorious One, now let Your loving remembrance flow through the veins of my spirit so that its purity shall guide me to offer all my movements, thoughts, and feelings as my love offerings to You. »
In a happy mood, I got up from my chair and wrote a letter to a retirement home, expressing my willingness to volunteer for a few hours each weekend. I also made out a check in the name of a charitable relief organization. Then I went into the garden and watered the plants and picked some beautiful flowers for a bouquet. I intended to present this bouquet to my neighbor’s little daughter. As I held it in my hand, I envisioned her sparkling eyes and her smile of innocent joy. In these ways, I felt I had played my part, according to my capabilities, leaving the larger results to You, and that these three acts were my loving contributions of body, mind, and heart.
In Your infinite Game there is no such thing as small or great. Your love can mirror through any response or any other thing.
[modifier] Your Smiling Presence
It was midnight but I could not get a wink of sleep. A month earlier I had had a very nasty motorcycle accident. My right leg was now in a splint and I had a deep wound in my thigh. The pain was intense and sometimes unbearable. I sat on the edge of my bed and balanced my right leg on a stool, while my left dangled over the edge.
It was a cool November night and the leaves on the trees outside my window were softly rustling as if to soothe me with their sound. The new moon shone down on me through the fleecy clouds with a gentle light, as if it were silently expressing its sympathy for my plight. On the table in my room, the night lamp cast a pleasantly dim light through its colored silken shade. A glass of water had been set out and my comfortably cushioned crutches were near at hand. Everything around me was imbued with a quiet beauty and conspired to give me comfort, but I could not appreciate any of it.
My visits to the hospital had exhausted me and left me anxious and depressed. Alone in my room, I was easily carried away by my worst imaginings. Instead of inhaling the perfume of a flower bouquet of trust in You, I allowed myself to wallow in the backwaters of depression. I wondered whether my wound would heal or if it would become infected. If it became infected, would my leg have to be amputated? Would I then be able to continue my present job? If I lost my job, how could I ever hope to pay for the staggering medical bills I had accumulated in such a short time?
Part of me realized that most of this worrying was nonsensical, but I found myself waist-deep in this quagmire of self-pity and concern, and could not extricate myself. It was then that You entered the room and beamed a radiant smile. Taking a seat, You said, « As you cannot walk freely, I decided to walk right in. » The room was brightened by Your exhilarating, charming smile. It was so intense that I was instantly lifted out of my low spirits. I felt as if I were completely healed and could even run a mile.
Glancing at me, you asked, « What happened to your leg? You’re looking weak and worried. »
Your questions brought me down from my feeling of exaltation, and I narrated the whole episode of the accident. Looking compassionately at me, You said, « Now that this has happened, don’t brood over it. Continue to do what is necessary. Do you need any help from Me? »
Since I had been worrying almost constantly about my health and financial situation, it was with only a little hesitancy that I replied, « Now that You have asked, may I request good health? »
« Why not? » You answered.
« And more wealth? » I added with a little uncertainty.
« Sure, sure, » You responded magnanimously.
« I have already implored You many times for these gifts, » I protested, stammering slightly at my own boldness.
« Yes, you have, » You calmly replied.
« But I have not yet been given... ! »
« Right, » You said in an unruffled manner.
« But why didn’t You help me when I asked for it previously? » I complained.
With a serious look You said, « Because I love you so much. »
Surprised, I exclaimed, « I was suffering and You did not pay heed! What sort of love is this? »
« It is Selfless Love, » You said, in the same calm, matter-of-fact tone. « I suffer in you to reveal the source of unfading and unending bliss — the real health and treasure that is within you. »
For some moments a wonderful silence prevailed. I did not — rather, could not — respond, for I was trying to absorb the import of Your words. Your intimate, benign smile silenced my mind.
Knowing that I was now more receptive, You continued, « Don’t get disheartened in your life. Don’t become overenthusiastic either. Try to remain poised in My remembrance and maintain a balance in your thoughts and feelings. Watch the unfolding of your life dispassionately, and you will discover My help even in the midst of the most mundane happenings. »
I was fascinated by what You were revealing to me. You seemed pleased by my interest and continued :
« Listen. There are innumerable seasons in everyone’s life. Things pass and then return, though slightly changed. This cycle of blossoming and withering is indispensable. Life’s journey through these opposites is enriched and, if accepted in the right understanding, leaps ahead toward new horizons.
« Suffering and pain are as inevitable as moments of joy and delight. This is the very fabric of life. Pass through it all, and eventually joy and suffering will merge into one harmonious whole, redolent with My love. You will gain this perspective more quickly if you resign to My will, which continually works to reveal to you the everlasting fountain of bliss which I am. »
The immensity of Your statements was hard for me to take in, and just then there was a shooting pain in my leg. Discouraged again, I said, « So, You’re trying to tell me that all my suffering is necessary? »
You knew what made me blurt out this impertinent question, and ignoring my irritation, You answered, « Not only was this accident necessary for you, but nothing that happens to you is unnecessary. If you only try, with detachment, to understand the meaning behind these events, then life itself will begin to answer your questions. »
Then, referring to my earlier request, You added, « Have you searched your mind and heart as to the real reason you were asking for health and wealth? Behind your desire to get better and pay your bills, wasn’t there a craving to indulge more and more in worldly pleasures? »
I could not deny this. I realized, as You said it just how attached I was to the world and how strong a pull its attractions and promises had on me, so I kept quiet.
« As for your physical pain, » You went on in a humorous vein, « if I drive it out of you, perhaps you may drive Me away as well. » You glanced at my cast. « After all, when things go wrong you remember Me, but when things go smoothly you forget Me. Am I right? »
I didn’t answer.
« If I were to grant your wishes, you would be attacked from all sides by innumerable temptations. If you succumbed to them, they would only tighten the bonds of ignorance about your true nature. Do you really want that? »
The answer was plain, and You continued in a reassuring and lighthearted way, « I don’t mean you have to be grim and serious all the time. In My remembrance, innocent, selfless delight keeps the heart awake to higher values and will enable you to enjoy the game of life. »
Then You winked at me. « Do you ever ask Me to help free you from lust and greed with even one percent of the intensity with which you call on Me for physical relief and riches? Do you ever ask Me to get rid of your arrogance and pride with the same wholehearted craving with which you sometimes ask for ice cream or dessert? »
I was crestfallen. What could I say? You had put Your finger on the right spot. But then, to cheer me up, You added, « What I said is not meant to blame you. I understand your limitations and abilities better than you do. What you have done is okay with Me, but you should honestly accept the facts as they are, and in the future try earnestly to transcend your lower desires and be more watchful over your wants and cravings. This will open the door to your inner journey to Me. »
Your words were like soothing music that moves the heart even when the mind does not understand what is happening. I felt as if parts of my life which had been restricted, tangled up in crooked knots, were now beginning to be untied. I vainly sought for words to express my indebtedness to You.
But before I could say anything, You got up and very lovingly said, « Every moment in time holds chalices of holy wine, and every point in space contains unknown delightful heavens. But I am not going to deal with that topic today. You have had enough of My words for now, don’t you think? Good night, and have a restful sleep. »
So saying, You walked over to the table and had a sip of water from the glass. Then, pointing to the crescent moon that was clearly visible through the window, You said, « Isn’t that lovely? »
I turned my head to look, and at the same moment I saw You shooting out through space to reappear, sitting in the center of the crescent, casually dangling Your left leg. Were You playfully teasing me because I had been sitting in this position when You came in the room? Your wit and wisdom, your humor and compassion — each outdoes the other.
I turned my head to find out whether You were really on the moon or still near the table. I didn’t see You anywhere, but the whole room was suffused with Your luminous, loving smile. In an astonished yet exalted mood, I limped over to the table and drank the water You had sipped. It was now « holy wine, » and « delightful heavens » seemed to dance around me.
Your every visit is a unique occurrence, with glorious facets. Filled with wonder and delight, I lay on my bed, beside myself with rapture.
Turning my head to the crescent moon, I implored You, « Pray, graciously pour Your smiling presence into my entire being. That would be a sure remedy for any malady — physical or mental. The perfect panacea — Your smiling presence! »
[modifier] Selfishness, Selflessness, And The Real "I"
It was nighttime. I had just finished arranging the covers about me when You quietly entered the room and sat on the edge of my bed. I was filled with happiness that You had come.
We talked together about many things — about the latest sports news, the weather, my health. I had just discovered a new flavor of ice cream that day that I especially liked and I told you all about it. You smiled in appreciation, as if You also would have liked to have had some. I told You a few jokes and together we laughed. Once again I was a little surprised at how interested You were in even the most mundane or seemingly trivial facets of life. I was moved by the way You treat life as a whole, not dividing it into important and unimportant aspects.
Then You became quiet and I noticed a peaceful hush pervading the dimly lit room. Wistfully, You looked out my window at the twinkling stars scattered across the night sky. A gentle breeze moved the tops of the trees, their dancing branches silhouetted against the faint rays of the stars.
You said, « Is it time for you to go to sleep? »
As I thought of ways to keep You with me a little longer, I remembered that for the past two or three nights I had not slept well.
« Can I ask You a favor? » I ventured shyly.
Your receptive silence enfolded me.
« Will You bless me with sound sleep tonight? »
« Why not? » You answered.
« But isn’t it selfish of me to ask this of You? »
« How so? You want sound sleep so that when you wake up in the morning, you may try to be more aware of Me. Isn’t that right? »
« True, but won’t this asking only nurture my attitude of selfishness, which may keep me away from You? »
You closed Your eyes as if in concentration. Tranquillity filled the room. « Yes, in a way. For instance, do you remember that particular flavor of ice cream you were telling Me about? »
« Yes, » I replied happily. « I enjoyed it very much. »
« But you forgot Me while you were relishing it, didn’t you? »
What You said was right. I kept a shamed silence.
You appeared not to notice my reaction, but continued, Your voice sweet, « But if, while enjoying your dinner, you think about Me in a natural way, you will still be able to enjoy the various tastes. In fact, you may find even more pleasure in them because you will be sharing them with Me, making Me your companion, offering Me each sip and taste. The difference will be that you will still relish, but not crave. »
« What do You mean by this? » I had quickly forgotten my embarrassment.
« Normally, if you like what you eat, you crave more. If you share it with Me, you will still enjoy it but will be much less caught up in the pleasure. »
My heart was soothed by this, but not my mind. « You say that I will still find pleasure in my dinner. But isn’t this selfish? »
Not the least impatient with my probing, You used another example to illustrate Your point. « When you earn money, not just to fulfill your own desires, but for the happiness and well-being of others, gradually your motivation, even if it began as a mixed one, will change. It will become more selfless. »
Intellectually, I understood what You were saying. Still, I doubted whether I would ever be able to lose my strong sense of self. « Even though I am earning for others as well, won’t ‘I’ be doing it? » I asked plaintively. « My sense of ‘I’ will remain, and whatever I do will be done with some degree of selfishness. »
« And why do you fear selfishness? ‘I-ness’ is in both selfishness and selflessness, but selfishness is more binding than selflessness. As long as you are alive, how can you ever be without a self? This ‘I-ness’ of the self is the innate desire for survival as a separate entity. It is the root of selfishness in each one. »
« So what does this all mean? » I asked, taken aback by Your response. « Where does it all lead? »
Smiling reassuringly, You replied, « The more the root of ‘I-ness’ begins to dry, the more selflessness begins to blossom. And when this root is totally dried out, the ‘Real I-ness’ of My existence prevails. That will be the ending of selfishness and selflessness, and the emergence of the ‘Real I’ that I am. »
My look of hopeful questioning entreated You to continue.
« The only way out is to purify your ‘I-ness’ with My remembrance. Thoughts of Me will gradually clean the mirror of your life, allowing it to reflect more and more of My presence. If you let Me into your heart, the knots of selfishness will be untied. Gradually, selflessness will lead you to find the Self-in-all, wherein you feel My presence more intimately. »
I was overwhelmed by Your compassionate words, by Your beauty, Your mercy, and by the fact that You are always there waiting ; waiting, without imposing Yourself, while it is I who turn You away. A grateful peace washed over me, and the quiet remained unbroken for some time.
Then, with a voice gentle with motherly love, You said, « Feel free with Me. Don’t hesitate to call on Me for anything, anything at all — I know what to give and what not to give. » Consoled by Your compassion, I assumed my usual childlike manner with You. Without thinking, I blurted out, « If You don’t appear in my dreams, it’s okay. But don’t let nasty things disturb my sleep. »
« If you think of Me before going to sleep, it will unwind the worries of the day, and I will take charge of your dreams. »
« So would it be good for me to think of You for some time before going to bed? »
« Yes, and... »
« And also when I wake up? » I suggested, not letting You finish Your sentence.
You showed Your appreciation for my enthusiasm with a smile. Gently You repeated. « As you live in My remembrance, there will be less and less selfishness. Eventually, as My Grace washes over you, the ‘Real I’ shall emerge. »
Your expression was so loving, so affectionate, that I found myself asking, « When do You sleep? »
Again You smiled and then said, « Sleep always remains wide awake in Me. »
This cryptic reply, I knew, was beyond my understanding, and I remained silent.
But such thoughts were swept away by the sweet look You gave me as you said, « Good night, sweet dreams. » And then You left.
As I pulled the sheet over me, I marveled at the way You are able to stoop to my level, share my interests, and yet imbue our conversations with Your inimitable sense of humor and loving patience.
I did sleep well that night.
Bal Natu. Published by Sheriar Foundation. © 1998 Sheriar Foundation S
